8 Replies to “Waterboarding My Kids Is Not Torture [VIDEO]”

  1. This will be helpful for my toddler, but with a new one at home I’m wondering how long I should wait before waterboarding her. I think Dr. Sears recommended beginning at 6 weeks. Any advice?

  2. As parents we understand the need to discipline your children. We suggest the Junk Food Starvation method. When your daughter misbehaves, simply hold a cheese doodle inches from her face and tell her that, if she is good, she will get the doodle. However, if she is not good, Daddy will tie her to the high-chair, eat the entire bag of doodles (washed down of course with a cold beverage) and fall asleep on the couch watching last night’s rerun of Conan. It always worked for us, and our kids turned out pretty well. In fact, we haven’t heard from them in months! (Janis says, just kidding…)

  3. You understand that the mere act of talking about is enough to allow our enemies in to adapt to . I sincerely hope there was actionable intel obtained from this exercise. If not, oh well, kids aren’t really humans anyway.

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